Tuesday, July 2, 2013

Facing the Past: IWSG for July



Greetings IWSG folks and nut-tree enthusiasts!

Last week I had the pleasure of being “found” by two old friends.  Previously, I would have bridled at being discovered.  (I’m an insecure fugitive at heart.) I am not one to attend high-school reunions and have left my past behind me in many ways.  Several moves out of state and changes in perspective have left many of my old relationships –well, without basis for continuation and despite my penchant for writing, I’m really quite a lousy pen-pal.  At any rate, this reunion with my two friends has been delightful, our social-web has reconnected, and now life continues… on Facebook, of course. 

When we move, we always leave behind friends and acquaintances.  One “friend” I left behind in my move from California to Wisconsin was my chiropractor, Phyllis.  Phyllis came late in life to her practice, becoming a chiropractor at the age of sixty.  She was a wise, funky, left-coast soul, and a bit of a psychic.  While she worked out my kinks and knots, she would subtly mention these things about me and my life, things that only I would know, and I became acutely aware that my inner being was inextricably tied to my outer state.  I always left Phyllis’ office feeling fresh and perfectly aligned.

I thought a lot about Phyllis after my move to Wisconsin, and remembered well her serious look and parting comment at our last meeting.  “Keep in touch! You hear?”  But I didn’t.  I wanted to write to her and say “Thank you,” and “You made an impact on my life," but I didn’t do it for the longest time.

It took a year for me to write.  A long rambling missive in my fifth-grader’s loopy handwriting and then I proceeded to let it rest on my desk for weeks, until it got moved to my perpetual stack of paper-dross, and then finally, months later, feeling that all the news in my letter was old and my confidences silly, I did what I often do to letters I write:  I tore it up. 
 

Shortly afterwards, a friend called to tell me Phyllis had died of cancer.  I had not even known she was ill and now I had missed my chance.   I still honor her life and death every Dias de los Muertos, though I do regret not sending that letter, though the memory of her smiling face always assures me not to worry.  We connect in other ways now.

 I thought of Phyllis when  my two friends contacted my mother, looking for me.  And with Phyllis in mind, I opened myself up to reconnect with my past.  After all—if someone wants to find me, who am I to object?  It’s not like people are lining up around the block to talk to me! Frankly, it’s nice to be wanted.

So lovely IWSG bloggers and dearest readers, I am curious to hear about your own experiences.   Has social media allowed your past to catch up to you?  Have you felt wanted or just plain stalked?  Has your online presence rewoven loose threads or opened an old can of worms? Are you secure enough to face your past?
Do tell!
~Just Jill

P.S.  That picture was taken of me by my long-lost friend David.  The things you do on a long winter's night in South Dakota!
P.S.S.  It was the eighties.
 

20 comments:

  1. Ahahaha. I may have a picture or two of myself like that somewhere. It WAS the eighties. Our only excuse. :P

    And, no, I've not connected with anyone from my past since being online. I don't have a Facebook account, though, so that's probably part of it. And with a name like Smith it's easy to get lost and stay lost. :)

    But that is sad about your friend and your letter never reaching her. On the other hand, it gave you this reflective moment that you've shared, and maybe someone else will send a letter they've neglected to write as a result.

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    1. Hey there,
      Thanks for stopping by!
      Would love to see a photo... I think we should have a "Share the Hair" blogfest or something.
      ~Just Jill

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  2. Ah, the hair again. I still don't know how you managed to do that.
    That story is sad, but really positive too.
    I haven't had any school firends find me via social media and I think I might hide if I did. One of the ladies I used to review on fictionpress was kind enough to leave a comment on my blog today though. That was pretty cool to hear form her after a few years had gone by.

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    1. Ratting and tons of hair-spray.
      (Oh--and a couple of lightning bolts. Zaap!)

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  3. I'm so sorry you missed the chance to reconnect with Phyllis. It did make you open to reconnecting with your other friends, though.
    I've had a couple friends find me, but like you, after moving around as a military brat I've lost touch with most of them.

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    1. Thanks for stopping by Cap'n. You have a good point.
      ~Just Jill

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  4. Yeah, it's a shame you never mailed that letter, but Phyllis seemed to have enough insight into you that I'm sure she understood. It's just that we always seem to think we have more time than we actually have.

    I hooked up with a gal on FB who was my absolute best friend in the world all the way through school. But that, um, was a long-ass time ago. Still, we've enjoyed catching up with each other, and she even became a beta reader for my book... and one of my staunchest supporters. So Facebook ain't all bad.

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    1. What a cool story! I love happy endings.
      ~Just Jill

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  5. Aw, that's so sad. I'm sorry. For me, social media has been life-altering. It's brought so many people into my life, new and old, enriching my life beyond words. And I'm a writer. I have lots of words. I would never give this up. And now that I'm published, it's my lifeline to my fans and readers. Good on all counts, I'd say!

    ~ Alex's #3 minion

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    1. Yay! I tend to agree. Social media makes all this possible!
      ~Just Jill

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  6. I'm really sorry to hear about your friend Phyllis. She seems very vivid to me as you describe her, and I think she can live on in the sweet memories you have of her. I'm glad to hear though that you've reconnected with two other people recently.

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    1. Thanks Cynthia. It's fun to share her memory with everyone.

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  7. I'm also sad about your friend Phyllis, but I agree with Susan. I'm sure that she was able to sense how much you appreciated her, and how often you tried to reach out to her. It's nice that you reconnected with some friends on FB. Love the photo!

    Julie

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    1. Thanks for stopping by Julie. I think I might resurrect that look...
      ~Just Jill

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  8. I seriously LOVE that picture of you. It looks like it should be hanging in a gallery somewhere.

    Very sorry to hear about your friend Phyllis but love that you said you connect in other ways now. That was beautiful.

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    1. Yes. The Dead Animal Removal Agency Gallery and Taxidermy Museum...
      ~Just Jill

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  9. Phyllis sounds like she was a wonderful friend, and I'm sure you honor her with your memories. Sometimes it's just that kind of loss that makes you value remaining friendships.It's nice that your other two friends did find you and that you reconnected.

    That's a great picture, by the way. It's almost a story in itself.

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    1. Almost.
      Thanks for stopping by Elizabeth.
      ~Just Jill

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  10. Your reveal sounds very familiar - I'm terrible at keeping in touch and it's the guilt of being a bad friend that adds to being nervous about contacting old friends. I also often think about old friends and loves and convince myself that's a kind of conversation in itself. Good for you for being brave this time :)

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  11. Love the pic. I have some interesting pics from my long-ago time as well. I am facing the choice to attend a landmark class reunion next year and haven't made up my mind yet, but I am leaning toward NOT! I am in touch through FB to some folks I would otherwise not connect with, but if I didn't have FB it would be fine. We stay connected to the ones who really count for us.

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Please use your words and comment freely! We really should meet!